Human Up - S1 Ep 1: What Does It Mean to Human Up?

This is a transcript of Human Up Podcast Season 1, Episode 1 with Carolina Burgueño which you can watch and listen to here:

David Marlon: Welcome to the first episode of the Human Up Podcast. I couldn't think of a more apropos way to start than for my amazing partner, Carolina, having this show with me. Carolina, thanks so much for volunteering to be on today.

Carolina Burgueño: Yes, it's a pleasure to be your first guest. This is actually my first ever podcast, so podcast. I've been asked a few times to, A lot of people are having podcasts these days, and I'm always like, no, but you're my first. So pleasure to be here. That's awesome.

David: That's awesome. To me, the name of the podcast is Human Up, and I'm encouraging all of us to recognize there's all kinds of challenges going on in the world right now, but I believe the answer is within each of us to human up. So this is my first podcast I've ever hosted as well, but to me, nothing could be more perfect than to do it with the most important woman in my life.

Carolina: Oh, well, thank you. Yeah. I was like, what does human up mean? But when you explained it to me almost like, man up, woman up, I'm like, oh, okay. So take the gender out of it and just as a human on this earth, step up and do what you can and being of service.

David: Yeah, I'm so glad you mentioned that because I think you and I, both being licensed helping professionals, I think that becomes more obvious to us, but I think that's a message important to everyone, and you said it perfectly, so thank you. Welcome. Now, can you share with the audience about the work you've done as a mental health professional?

Carolina: Yes, absolutely. So way back in 2014, I started out as a PSR worker. So what that is is a psychosocial rehabilitation worker. So I had just gotten my bachelor's in psychology, and that's kind of like an entry level position in mental health. What I wasn't expecting is just how enriching this position would be, even to this day. I mean, I'm a therapist now, I do individual sessions, but it doesn't compare to going into the homes of these individuals, whether they're struggling with any sort of mental health disorder and really providing care for them in their own environment. You really get a chance to see the dynamics in the home and the barriers that they face. Mostly financial. A lot of the houses that I went to were struggling just very, very low income families. So I did that in 2014 for a while at Human Behavior Institute, which I absolutely loved, and I went on to work as a crisis stabilization facilitator.

So basically teens and well adolescents and children who had just been discharged from the hospitals for suicidal attempt or ideation would come to this group and they would be with us all day for five days, and we would just really take the time to teach them how to cope with these heavy emotions, really give 'em that psychoeducation that they don't necessarily receive at home or in school, and just spend quality time having connection with them. A lot of these kids, we can't change their circumstances per se, but during that time, just showing them they do have the ability to choose how to cope with certain situations. So I did that. I got my master's in social work, and then I moved on to good old internships. I did my first one at HBI, and then the second one was very different. I had been only working with children and their families, but now I was working with veterans at the va, and that was kind of a dream position for me to do an internship there.

I had actually advocated my own role. They had never had a suicide prevention intern, but I really wanted to work with that department and they honored it. So I spent it my last internship year doing that, and I was very impressed. I didn't know really what to expect. I know I'm a veteran myself. I know I've gone to the VA for some of my own needs, but I'd never quite spent time in the hospital to fully understand just how much is there. They have departments for everything and resources galore. So that was a really enriching experience as well. Since then, I moved on to an agency that I'm very happy at and I do therapy.

David: That's awesome. While I have employed more than a hundred therapists, I often boast that you have a better or best command of the DSM and the therapeutic techniques to use of anybody I've ever met. So I'm forever impressed by you and your clinical capability. Now, you mentioned that you served. Could you tell me you served in what branch and how was that experience?

Carolina: Absolutely. One of my favorite topics. Yes. So I did serve eight years active duty in the Marine Corps,

And I wanted to join since my senior year, and so I had been in the drill team since fourth grade, and all the way up to my senior year, I was the captain that year, and I had a couple girls tell me, oh, we're going to miss practice because we have to go take the asvab. And I'm like, what's the asvab? And they're like, that's the test you take to join the military. So I was like, well, then maybe I need to take the ASVAB now. At the time, I'd had good grades my entire life. I think most people expected me to go to college, but I had ran track. I had been in drill team. I was really athletic, and I just showed up knowing nothing about any of the branches. But that day they were all in uniform, all four branches, and it was really the Marines that took command.

They looked so sharp, and I was just so intrigued. So after taking the four hour test, I was like, how do I join? And they're like, what you? They're like, how do you think you did on the test? I'm like, I think I did okay. They're like, well, let's make an appointment. My mother was not thrilled. My family was not thrilled. My teachers were not thrilled. My counselor was not thrilled, but I begged my mom, please, please come with me to the appointment. And that's really the first time for the first hour that I learned what on earth the Marine Corps was. That was it. I was 17 at the time, and my mom refused to sign for me. She didn't want to give me parental consent. So she's like, well, if you're 18 and you still want to join, you can sign yourself up. And that's what I did.

David: Oh, you waited till your 18th birthday and then you enlisted?

Carolina: Yes, yes.

David: And you did eight years?

Carolina: I did, yeah. Some of the most reward, I mean, I essentially grew up there, 18, 18 to 26, still very much a part of who I am today. They instilled some amazing leadership traits within every Marine, and yeah, I'm really grateful for the time served. Not the easiest branch granted, but very rewarding.

David: And I love hearing stories that you share about your time at MCRD, about your time at Camp Pendleton, about your time at Quantico. I even like hearing stories about you at this place called Paris Island.

Carolina: Yes, yes. That is where I went to bootcamp. Very well known for their sand, please. So if anybody knows me, I'm notorious for picking and itching, and if there's a bug in the room, I'm like, it's got to be exterminated. So yes, I frequently talk about the time we're constantly covered in these sand fleas.

David: Sounds horrible.

Carolina: Yeah. Yeah.

David: I learned in recovery that I'd previously undervalued service in my life. And it seems to me that service was part of your journey, and you always had, it seemed like forever, a connection with the importance of service. Was that integrated in your decision of become a United States Marine?

Carolina: I wanted to become a Marine because of the challenge. It seemed difficult and I felt ready and strong, but what I didn't expect is that service component helping one another out. I wasn't an admin marine, I was a field Marine. I was a field grader operator out in the uncomfortable elements, and really having that connection to others and helping each other out in any given moment. And actually the last three years I was on recruiting duty. And so my first place where I started to recruit was a very low income area in El Cajon, California, and I mean very, very low income. And again, this is even before I did PSR and started going into the homes in mental health. But I went into the homes into these seniors to talk to their parents. And actually, that's where I first realized I wanted to be in the helping profession once I got out

David: Integrated with service. That's beautiful. Now, while we talked about how I entered this or developed this desire to serve much later in life into my forties, and while we were married, I sold my beach house to come back to Vegas and be really focused on helping the homeless. We have a significant crossover of veterans who are homeless. Do you have any thoughts on homeless veterans and my service here?

Carolina: Yes, and way more about this than I do, but the little exposure that I did have was at my time at the va, not only did I do suicide prevention, but I definitely got to cross train. And one of those positions was casework with the homeless vets and getting them housing and checking up on them. So we would drive out to these little apartments where they would be housed and check in on them and make sure everything was going okay. I don't know much about statistics with our homeless vets here in Las Vegas, but again, I did get to work with some directly in terms of finding them housing through the VA hospital and case manage them for a while. You tell me, what do you know about homeless veterans here in the valley?

David: Well, I have two axioms. One is that I'm clean and sober. And to me, I've been given a gift to be able to help other people get separated from substances. And that is one of my gifts that I'm choosing to employ. It's the main focus of my life, but I also love our country. So to me, if I get to help people who also made the ultimate service decision to serve our country, to me, I have kind of a double responsibility to help veterans. So I love helping people get clean. I really love helping veterans.

Carolina: Amazing.

David: Now, one of my favorite things is every day I come home and me and you kind of process our day together, and it's truly glorious as a clinician, as a partner, as somebody who knows everything going on in each of our lives, it's amazing to do that. But we both know that self-care ends up being really important because we both hear horrible stories of lives and traumas and things that happen in our community. So you know, me and you, we got to take care of each other,

Carolina: No doubt. And it shouldn't be minimized just how much of that energy exchange we take on as clinicians. We're human too. We empathize to, our mere neurons are fully firing, right? We are sometimes right there with the clients in these really unfortunate circumstances and hearing traumas after traumas day in and day out. Granted, some days are easier than others, but yes, it does become, can become heavy. So in this field, we learn all about self-care. And what that means is really making sure you take the time to decompress process what's going on, and take care of yourself so that you can show up and do a good job without getting to that place of burnout. And so you and I are very similar in the fact that we love to be physical

And go out hiking, go out biking, go out running, go out, exploring, traveling, all those things. And really, it's not an option for me. It is priority. I prioritize my life around these morning runs and morning workouts so that I can be of service. My therapy is that active component in my life. And on the weekends, if it's a Saturday and we're in town just to go pick a mountain and climb it, literally set up travel for us to have these activities like these via adas, you and I have been to many different countries just to go do that via ferrata, which is what's a Via ferrata,

David: The way of iron.

Carolina: The way of iron and Italian. But basically these are paths on mountains where you're literally either climbing upstairs and then shimming across mountains on these placed iron pieces to kind of guide the way, so the way of the iron. So yeah, I think self-care is extremely important. I literally tell everyone, that's my therapy. I got to go out on a run. If I'm ever feeling overwhelmed or stressed, that's my cue. Right? Go outside, go do something, and then everything is much better. Yes,

David: Agreed. And that's one of the many things I love about you. It's funny how both of us, if we don't get to out or we don't get to travel, it's palpable and it reaches the point where it's going to be like, cancel everything. The two of us have to go on a run.

Carolina: Right? Right. It's ridiculous. My world will start crumbling quickly, and I know exactly what it is.

David: So I heard fitness, I heard T tr, I heard mountain climbing. All amazing. It's more than similarities. Those are our common, it's part of our core belief system of life on who we are. We have another major belief, and that is when we first fell in love, we both had 14-year-old sons. Can you talk about motherhood for a minute?

Carolina: Yes. Yeah. I have one son, and he was 14 when you and I met you also had a 14-year-old, few months older. And motherhood has been such a journey. I mean, I was a young mom trying to navigate being an active duty marine mother got out so I could be more present, but wasn't expecting to experience what a lot of veterans do experience when leaving the surface and that struggle to reintegrate back into the civilian world. And that was a big wake up call for me. Like, oh wow, even me who felt like I was a hundred percent prepared, just the shock of waking up one day and suddenly that sense of belonging, that comradery, that identity, all that stuff is just not there. And it's tricky to start just navigating and figuring stuff out on your own, find your new identity or new place. But as much as I love the Marine Corps, motherhood is way more important.

So I'm actually grateful that after the eight years, I hung up the hat and really focused on what's next, what chapters are next, and just being even more present for my son was way more important. So he is about to turn 22 next month, and it's no different today than it was when he was five, 10, or 15. I think about him every day, every hour. I mean, he's just, oh, I'm the luckiest mom in the world. He is a gem. Never gave us any trouble, never gave me any trouble even in his youth, and is doing really well. He's a Marine himself now. He earned a tiger three years ago, wasn't expecting him to follow in my footsteps. I didn't see that one coming. But he's amazing. He's a strong, smart, very good looking marine, right? Sure. I couldn't be more proud.

David: I couldn't be prouder to be proud Papa dm and the fact that he's been very, a close part of my life for now in our eighth year together. I love the relationship I have with him. I love the fact that each of us, at the end of the day, we're parents and that our sons are the most important thing to us. Although we have all these other roles we do. But I love the fact that each of us have our own little baby who we love and take care of. And I like the fact that the two of them have a good relationship too, despite being very different people.

Carolina: Right, right.

David: Yeah. Yeah. That's good stuff.

Carolina: Yeah, we're about to go see him tomorrow in New Orleans

David: Where he's, you call that his duty station?

Carolina: Yeah, that's where his new duty station, he's only been there a couple months and he's adjusting quite well.

David: Yeah, I look forward to seeing him tomorrow. That'll be great. Now, this last question, like any marriage, we've climbed mountains together literally and figuratively. However, the end of the day I found us perfectly suited as we've been talking, our fitness, our child, our care about service, our occupation, our love of travel, all of these really makes us uncannily similar. In addition, we're both a force to be reckoned with, whether it's at our respective agency, whether if it's protecting our kid, any comments about our relationship?

Carolina: Yes. Is the right answer. Yes. Yeah. So yes, we're going into our eighth year, but you mentioned all the reasons why you and I are a good fit. But since this is mental health podcast, throwing in that every relationship will have its hurdles and sometimes it's mountains, and you and I have faced that definitely. But everybody has to make a decision for themselves on what they feel the correct way to handle sorts of conflicts can be right. And there isn't one blanket kind of like, oh, if you follow all this, you will end up with the perfect marriage or the perfect relationship or make it or whatever. Everyone's kind of in different circumstances. But yes, it's not all rainbows and sunshine and sometimes not. Sometimes life will throw hurdles in the mix. It's part of it. Not just in relationships, but with everything. But yeah, we have really learned a lot, I'd say, and here we go, still plugging along. Yeah,

David: Agreed. And I love the fact that you reframe that, that we need to human up as parents, we need to human up as partners. We need to human up as mental health professionals. We need to human up just as individuals. Could you talk about how all of us need to human up?

Carolina: Well, we're all differently talented, and I do believe in using these talents for others. You share your talent. You don't hone it for yourself. You and I recently attended something called Praxis, and that's Latin for practice, and that is a meeting for practicing Catholics. And that day, actually, we've gone a handful of times, but each time we go, I walk away with a little gem. And this one really was insightful and it had to do with the fact that we are all seeking very similar things. And without naming all five, I don't even know if I can name 'em off the top of my head, but happiness, truth, goodness, come on, help me out.

David: Those are the big three.

Carolina: So within that, knowing that if that is what we all want, and then coupled with our own talents in this world, if we're doing that and focusing on being better people ourselves, we could be better for others. And again, share your talents with this world. I think that's how we can human up. And that will vary. I'm not even talking about just mental health professionals or people who go help the homeless. I'm talking about in every field, being the best in your field is one way to human up knowing that you could go the extra mile in anything you do. What's not saying, how you do anything is how you do everything. So why wouldn't you do that to be of service to others too. If that is truly what you want in your life, it only makes sense to do that for others. And in turn, you end up enriching yourself.

David: To me, I talked about how you understood service. It seemed innately well to me. It was something that I learned in recovery and that when you just frame that, if being of service is your thing, but to me, being of service is everyone's thing because, and from my limited experience that when I tried to get more for me, which is how I was wired, when I tried to get more money, when I had to get more drunk, when I tried to get more of stuff, it didn't bring me joy. I ended up, it had like a bell curve, which at the beginning it was really cool, and then it actually wasn't cool at all. And that the more I give, the more joy I receive and the richer I am. It's really, I think all of us need to learn what you seem to have known in innately. That being of service is why we're all here.

Carolina: But I'll also emphasize, you got to fill your cup, right? You got to make sure you're taking care of yourself in the process too.

David: Yeah, with self care. Yeah, with a fitness regimen. By eating the right stuff, by unplugging periodically and taking care of yourself.

Carolina: Right.

David: Anything else you want to say on the Human Up Podcast?

Carolina: It was a pleasure to be here. You're doing good work. I'm very proud of you. You didn't mention our two chains. Oh my goodness. We have the most beautiful dog on the universe. Our sweet girl. Sweet. But vicious girl. It just brings us so much joy. I think dogs are a gift to this world.

David: Yeah. We actually have three dogs. We have a 13-year-old, beautiful Bella, elderly Bella, elderly Bella. We have the snorting 10-year-old Biggie Smalls, and then we have the 4-year-old two chains. The Doberman, who you did mention is vicious, but not to you or I.

Carolina: No, she's very sweet to me.

David: Yeah, she is. Yeah. Yeah. They certainly bring joy to our life.

Carolina: Absolutely. Yeah, I think that was it.

David: Alright, well I want to thank you very much for being on the first episode of Human Up Podcast with your host Dave Marlon. My Love Carolina. Thank you very much.